Replacing Boundaries

A new year, a new opportunity—what boundaries will you put back into place so that your life will run smoothly? Or at least have a semblance of balance.

Not every obstacle is a negative thing and not every go ahead is a good thing. What do I mean by that? So glad you asked!

Have you ever gotten to a stage in your life and wondered how you got there? If you’re honest enough or think hard enough, you most likely can trace it back to a removed boundary of some sort that you thought was silly, repressive, and/or easily dismissed for that one time or just down right crazy for your life in general. It might have been something as simple as going over the speed limit and getting that last point on your license that would have it suspended. Now you’re faced with the dilemma of getting to work because you, naturally, live in the boonies and your job is miles away. It’s a good thing you just spent your last few dollars making sure the car was in good condition and passed inspection… or maybe not.

I was watching an episode of Law and Order: SVU and the young lady on trial ended up on trial because she had unprotected sex with a hookup who neglected to mention that he was HIV positive because the hooker he was with neglected to mention that she was HIV positive. Add to that his feelings of abandonment because he thought his mother had abandoned him and we have a man with hatred for women to the nth degree. Said young lady was in the throes of the virus and was unemployed and without health insurance. Add to that an unsolved rape and we have a young woman in need of restoration and closure.

As the trial of the young man ensues, it appears that he’s going to get off so she appears in court with acid and sprays it on his face so that he can “appear to be the monster on the outside that he is on the inside”. Meanwhile, the young man’s beloved grandfather, who raised him, is suffering from a guilty conscience because of a little lie told to the young man instead of the truth–his mother was in jail, she had not upped and left him.

So because of her attack with acid, the young lady finds herself on trial being questioned about her choice to not use a condom. The victim is now the accused.

The prosecutor cuts away at the young woman’s righteous indignation, bit by bit as she provides evidence.

• She shows ads on the building near her address, promoting safe sex. 
• The bus stop where she took the bus, also displayed an ad; and 
• The bus itself, had an ad on its side. 

One moment’s choice on the part of both parties and each ended up with a death sentence.

SIDEBAR: Now you know this piece did not start out as a plug for safe sex or better yet, abstinence but you know the writer’s pen usually has a mind of its own so it is easier just to submit and keep on typing.

Anyway, the point being here, that the grandfather’s seemingly innocent lie given to “protect” his grandson did more harm than good and the choice of the grandson and the young lady to “just this once” have an unprotected encounter became a detriment to their survival. It makes the call to be holy and to consider the body as a temple sound not so far fetched after all, doesn’t it? How about that? Maybe God does have a clue when He sets boundaries and standards for us to live… hmmm?

I don’t know about you but since I’ve been doing some self examination and noted a few boundaries that I’d removed that made me quite miserable. One such being “honor thy mother and father so that thy days may be long in the land of the living.”

With my mom becoming more of my child with each passing month in my tiredness and frustration, I found myself being a bit dishonorable which left me open to remorse, guilt and ill health and we both ended up walking around the house being depressed and not eating or sleeping. Because I was a part of the problem, I felt constrained to lay hands on her hurts and pray for and with her, or to quote scriptures of encouragement because I felt a fraud.

We’ve since resolved that issue, however, I continue to examine myself and my life to ensure that the boundaries I’d removed, like staying up late, which of course results in overeating the wrong stuff for “energy” that same night or the next day, are replaced so that I’m living a balanced and healthy life. So when those opportunities come my way, I won’t be too depressed, tired, distracted, irritable, or burnt out to see it.